he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
