you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need a beard to bite.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
