Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize