i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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