Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
