4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
