I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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