God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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