You're completely useless in the revolution.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
