i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
