My hair reeks of homosexuality.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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