I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
