Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
