what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
