i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
