it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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