Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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