brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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