I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
