Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize