omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
