I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
