i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
