the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
