i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
