I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
