More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
