Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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