one might say we're banned from that church
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
