Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
