Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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