I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
