we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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