if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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