well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
love makes seman taste better
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
