you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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