I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
