um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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