What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
