I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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