no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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