When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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