you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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