A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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