i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
