I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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