I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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