I think i peed on brittanys purse
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
