I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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