I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize