you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
