I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
