I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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