i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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