the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
How's work?
Spinning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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