apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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