So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
