if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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