Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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