VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
