Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
