my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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