Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think my moral compass just broke
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