I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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