My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
