It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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