I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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