I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
