like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
