Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize