his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
