i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize