I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
