No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
