$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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