What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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