i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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