My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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