He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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