Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
