And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
