I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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