Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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