OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
