My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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