I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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