he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
