i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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