I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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