Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
